Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Apparently I told a girl last night, that's she's super beautiful and I don't want to fuck she just deserves being eaten out
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
Randomize
