so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
So apparently the christmas orgy was a complete disaster
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
Taking Gomer to the ER. He tore something trying to stretch his nutsack enough to put his balls in his own ass. I need new friends.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
