He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
She's beautiful tan and skinny she will make me hate myself and that's what I need in a friend right now
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
Did I run away from you last night?
Yeah it was a great moment for our friendship
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Randomize
