my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Either I got the clap, or I masturbated with soap while I was sleeping.
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I HAVE A TEST I'M SORRY YOUR UN SUCKED DICK ISN'T MY FIRST CONCERN
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
My ultimate hope is that people will hug me, smell me, and therefore think I'm classy.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
