i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
He tried to stop traffic by waving his half eaten pizza at cars.... And we were stupid enough to cross .....??!!!
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
its liver damage thursday
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
Randomize
