I realized as I was wesiging my engamemby ring that you'd never love me tha same. I have life plans and Sam showed them to me
What? You're not speaking real words.
you went into starbucks asked for a mocha "on the rocks"
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Neil John just started open mouth kissing everyone to make sure they are safe.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
Randomize
