But honestly u used to be a cool guy and lately uve been superame(734): Superlame
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
They were taking shots out of the caps of perfume bottles. This is too much for me.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
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