He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
