Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
She squirted. We were both surprised. I'm that good.
Hahaha wearing a fake moustache in public was the best idea i ever had
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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