Why are you at a bar in Connecticut?
Long story. One that now involves lots of delicious chicken wings om nom nom
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
just passed out while on hold to see if i left my debit card at the bar last night.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
if things do not go as planned you should see me walking down I81 blindfolded and pantless
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
Randomize
