It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
Just think, the more you drink, the more options you'll have of people you want to hook up with.
there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
He held me the entire night. Not endearing kind of way. Like kidnapping or held hostage kind of way.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
I woke him up and he was mumbling something about it being moist, or he peed himself but it was okay.
Best dream ever last night. You moved here. Your Spanish name meant highway. Your favorite food was styrofoam.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
