Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
This gyro tastes like lonliness
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
She made me go down the fire escape when her mom came for breakfast.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I stole a fireplace last night.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
Randomize
