Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Yes, I am watching The Hills Have Thighs. And yes it is a porno remake of The Hills Have Eyes. And, again, yes, lesbian sex in the desert. Get the sand out.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I remember key bumps, porn and a mom in my bed. Sums up my day.
that is an amazing summary hahaha
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
