So Delta doesn't take cash. I used my card to buy a drink and asked the attendant if she could leave it open.
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
I forget the details, but I'm told that I drunkenly stalked him around floor yelling obscure Jewish laws at him
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
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