I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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