I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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