someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
He paid me to blow him while doing a handstand. Does that make me a whore or just a budding gymnast?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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