Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Haha dude youd die if you were here. Girl presenting is defending the new testament and did her report on JESUS. best believe i'm gonna ask some hungover, atheist ass questions
Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
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