i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
Never have I ever before welcomed her period with such enthusiasm. She was starting to pick out baby names. She got me "What to Expect When You're Expecting."
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
I think he liked me better when I only opened my mouth to suck his dick.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Dude I cant right now. Were talking about pickles.
Randomize
