Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
I just watched in amazement as you had a full conversation about water temperature and bacteria with your pet goldfish.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
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