tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
he just put it in my mouth and said "go"
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Randomize
