You can't special order awesome
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I am full of burrito and curiosity
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I think the duck is in my room. You have no idea how much worse a duck makes a hangover
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
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