the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
But we made up last night and had unbelievably crazy sex tonight. I legit went blind for like 15mins from him choking me. It was awesome
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize
