if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I'll be there in 5 min. If not, read this again.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
You went into the shower with my roommate and cursed him out asking why he was there
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
I smell like hot dogs and captain morgan it's 11:20 am what is my life
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Randomize
