i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
I have no idea how I got home or why I am naked but I assume I owe you a thank you...
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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