Someone took a freaking dump on a roll of toilet paper. Next to the toilet. No shit in the toilet. Just on the roll of toilet paper.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Crazy fun. I think I got a concussion from a stripper
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
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