That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Randomize
