i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
So it looks like you may be an uncle real soon. Don't ask how I feel about it and don't text me back.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
Randomize
