What kind of poor, pathetic town do we live in where a horny teenage girl is sitting in her basement on a saturday night, unlaid?
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
Randomize
