Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
100% truth: never tied someone to a bed using 4 pairs of sweatpants before
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
