how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
high people should be assigned attendants
you kept typing in answers.com, why are the state police calling my house, expecting an answer
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
id say bad/good trip...at first I wanted to claw off my skin... but then when i tried i ended up tickling myself for an hour.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
Randomize
