Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He woke me up at 3 am kneeling on the floor pissing and yelling, then he passed out and stole my comforter. I want a new roommate...
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
We designated a driver... But it was me..... So we designated another driver
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Randomize
