I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
there was a goddamn geisha at house. my dick feels more cultured.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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