so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
My T9 text prediction thing keeps predicting every next word is going to be "midgets".
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
I'm putting "buy a bottle of scotch" on my "productive things to do to procrastinate studying for finals" list
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
Randomize
