I just came up with the perfect plan. Once i'm a dentist i'm going to offer dad a million dollars to divorce mom.
just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
This morning on my way to work I saw a guy ride his bike straight into a woman and her dog while trying to light a bowl. Thought of you.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
