8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
i dodnt think we hooked up bcause he actually texted me the next day
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
He's hot....knda sweaty, drunk smells like feet....but he's hung like a whale....so in other words totally your type
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Randomize
