you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
you can SEE the outline of a pad through her jeans. there is no way
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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