Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Well he's a 33 year old furniture salesman that picked up at 19 year old buying a bedroom set for her room. I can see how that would be awkward
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
