that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
Worst relationship ever. Keep in mind I've dated two married chicks and a Mormon.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Once he past out I measured his penis with my remote.
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Sitting beside a stoned cat on the kitchen floor eating cheesecake with my hands...just a struggle
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