it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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