With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
He was my first. He knew. He knew right there I was wrapped around his penis.
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
Randomize
