I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
omg theres cum all over the american flag and now its up in front of his house.
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
just move with us, we wanted to get a dog. youre kind of the same thing..
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
