the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Sorry, I don't speak sober.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
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