i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
Randomize
