What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
btw my roommates send a round of applause to you and that guy you tried to fuck on our wall. Additionally they hope he got it in.
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
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