btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I will keep you posted and someday if we daydrink teach you how to do a footjob
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
Oh lord. I have no recollection. I just got up. Surveying the damage. Found phone with messages out by pool. Still have not located my top or determined when i stopped wearing it
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
