she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
Yeah you fell over while you were peeing and you said "hold I'm, I'm still peeing"
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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