Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Randomize
