I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
do you remember showing me a picture of your husbands penis last night?
yea! the mushroom one. i would only show you.
Reasons why I love cats more than people: 1. They're not fucking people.
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Randomize
