You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Also, I found out that my dad has the name of every boy that I've ever dated and their physical description, car type and tag number stored in his computer.
Apparently Angela went missing once and he says he learned were to look first and that it's best to have information on hand.
Saw a girl on a walk of shame bend down and look in a pizza box by a trash can to see if there was still a slice left. That's when you know
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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