I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
Definitely saw about 20 people at my final that were never present before. It's like seeing who's gonna be serving me fries in 4 years.
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Randomize
