How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i took some ambien and I TRIPPED out...i went into my mom's room to say goodnight and i don't remember anything...she said that i got really pissed at her because we were living in the Keebler elf tree and she was visiting other trees, then i started laughing hysterically and she goes "whats so funny?" and i go "there are 7 people sitting on my knees" and she goes "doesn't that hurt?" and i said "no we're sitting in a bowl" and then i capped it off and said "join the crazy train bro" and passed out.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Pants are for mortals
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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