dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
I am watching Grease 2 and properly learning how to apply a condom to a banana. This is a sign from God that this is the closest I will ever get to having the need for one.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
I'm just crazy horny about you
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I have a big to do list for you. Number 1 - me. Number 2 - drink wine 3. Talk my ears off. 4. Me again
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
