There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
